Mean Boys

Last weekend at a birthday party I witnessed my son get bullied for the first time.  Bullies at 3 years old?  Really?!?!  I could hardly believe my ears.  This almost 3 year old boy, who is A’s “best friend”, was telling A that he couldn’t play with him and the other kids because he was too small (mind you A is much taller than this kid) or he would just simply say to A “No, this isn’t for you”.  My poor son would burst into tears and come running to me saying that his friend told him he couldn’t play.  It broke my heart.

Two and three-year-olds are still trying to figure out what is socially acceptable behavior.  Three-year-olds are just beginning to reconcile their natural empathy for others with their desire to get what they want. They are also just beginning to develop the impulse control that will help them to grow out of this aggressiveness.  If a toddler finds out that the chosen behavior of bullying works, he will continue to use it as long as it gets him what he wants - usually control over another person.  This is exactly what seems to be happening in my son's case.  As long as this boy keeps getting the response from A, this is going to keep happening. 

That said, while the behavior the other boy is exhibiting is normal, it's our responsibility as parents to protect our kids and just because it's normal doesn't mean it's good for my little one.  This boy and A attend daycare together and from what we understood the two of them were good friends and played together well during the day.  That is why it struck me as so odd to see this boy act this way towards A at the party.  When I get back from vacation I will be calling his teacher to discuss what I saw and find out what/if anything she’s observed during the day.

I really didn’t think I would be having the bully conversations at this age so I feel a bit unprepared.  I just keep telling A to not listen to this boy and that he can play with whoever and whatever he wants.  I want A to be assertive and stick up for himself but at the same time not become too aggressive himself.  

Oh the joys of toddlerhood.